Embracing Your Femininity In A World That Doesn't Want You To
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We as women were created with intrinsic strengths -— empathy, nurture, and the ability to create close, devoted bonds with fellow women and others.
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Photo by Janelle Pol
Recently on one of my movie nights, as I flipped through Netflix, popcorn in hand, I decided to try out a brand new movie touted as a film for women—featuring a dynamic female cast in what seemed like a promising exploration of three-dimensional female characters. Based on the countless positive reviews online, I had high hopes this movie would showcase the positive aspects of what it means to be a strong woman in our modern society. Instead, I was given a swath of female protagonists who displayed their “strength” in their crudity, indifference, and cut-throat aggression. It struck me that this movie communicated that the only way for these women to be considered capable, powerful, or funny was by adopting traits most often found in toxic masculinity. These characters didn’t demonstrate their strength in friendship, patience, or compassion for one another—aspects found in healthy, mature women. Rather, they succeeded by using harshness, impulsiveness, and violence (sometimes physically). These behaviors indicated to me that our culture has lost its vision for what the root of a woman’s strength is apart from that of a poisonous brand of masculinity—the exact attributes we encourage the men in our lives to avoid at all costs.
THE SEARCH FOR HEALTHY FEMININITY
Don’t get me wrong, I giggle at off-color jokes, think every woman should invest in a self-defense class, and would absolutely vote for a female president. But it seems our culture wants us to think that female strength can only be derived from attaining harmful and dangerous attributes found in unhealthy male characters—combativeness, detachment, or coarseness, instead of embracing traditional feminine characteristics and strengths, such as nurture, connection, and empathy.
These sentiments are often ingrained in our young, impressionable minds from the time we’re in grade school. We grow up hearing phrases like “man up,” “grow a pair,” and “he wept like a girl.” It seems that our society would have us think that in order to attain strength, we must “cancel” the things that throughout history have been considered feminine traits. Hardly pro-woman, would you say?
Our society’s choice to associate femininity with weakness can make our generation of women believe we’re inherently inadequate or must take on masculine traits in order to become strong. I felt myself, women I know, and even female role models giving in to this idea by insisting our emotions are no different from that of men, shaming stay-at-home moms for holding women back, and finding purpose only in career-related accomplishments. But what if there’s another way?
AN EXAMPLE OF STRENGTH AND WOMANHOOD
There’s an ancient story about a beautiful and intelligent Jewish woman named Esther and a very powerful king. Like a page out of a classic fairytale, the King holds what was essentially a beauty pageant to find himself a suitable queen (so original, right?). In an effort to gain influence for her people, Esther enters the pageant and wins, sparking the King’s infatuation as a result of her beauty and charm. After winning, she becomes queen and begins to gain the affection and trust of the King. Later, trouble ensues in the land, and the King orders every Jewish person be killed. Esther, having concealed her Jewish identity, decides this is her moment and reveals her nationality to the King. Esther influences the King through her winsomeness and brilliance, leading him to spare the lives of the Jewish people. Rather than Esther adopting masculinity to attain influence—using violence or brute force—she used her femininity as a power, zeroing in on her ability for connection, poise, and charisma.
I worry that the generation of women I see today will become more hardened, angry, and antagonistic in order to be regarded as capable, accomplished, and strong women. As I’ve grown to appreciate my feminine nature, I’ve come to realize exactly what I was created to embody.
Culture has been collectively singing, “I’m going to make a man out of you,” but instead, I’d like to propose that we value, love, and embrace our innate femininity as women. We will always be at a disadvantage trying to out-man men — we simply weren’t made to do that, and that’s actually a wonderful thing. We as women were created with intrinsic strengths: empathy, nurture, and the ability to create close, devoted bonds with fellow women and others. Understanding, enhancing, and using these facets of ourselves are the keys to becoming a strong woman; it’s the very opposite of diminishing their value in favor of a man’s gifts or strengths — even their most wonderful ones.
Keelia Clarkson is an actress, singer, and writer. Originally from Los Angeles, Keelia has appeared in popular TV shows and indie films, has studied classical voice and performed all over the world, and shares her thoughts and words on her blog. Keelia loves a good book, an old movie, and traveling as often as she can. She recently eloped on a rooftop and now lives in New York City with her husband, Nathan.